Part of The Amazing Me Top Tips Series
Why What You Do After the Moment Matters Most
You’re in the kitchen. It’s been a long day. Dinner is half done, your phone is buzzing, and your mind is already three steps ahead, thinking about tomorrow.
Out of nowhere, your 9-year-old son walks in and says:
“Mum… what’s OnlyFans?”
You freeze. I don’t need this right now! Not this. Not when you’ve got a million things going on and absolutely no idea how to answer that question in a calm, age-appropriate, values-aligned way.
And before you’ve even had time to think… you react.
“That’s not something you need to worry about.”
“Where did you hear that?”
“You’re too young to be talking about things like that.”
The words come out sharper than you intended.
But it’s not just the words.
It’s your face.
Your tone.
The way your body stiffens.
Something in that moment shifts.
Your son goes quiet.
“Okay…” he says, shrugging slightly, and walks out of the room.
And just like that… the moment is over.
But something doesn’t feel right.
Later that night, it lingers.
The way he shut down.
The way he didn’t push back.
The way the conversation just… stopped.
And something else.
That look. The slight slump of the shoulders. The deflated expression.
You’ve seen it before. It’s what happens when he internalises something… and takes it to heart. He’s always been a sensitive soul.
And now you’re not quite sure what landed for him.
You hope it wasn’t this… but a small part of you wonders:
Did I just make him feel like he did something wrong?
Like he shouldn’t have asked?
Like there was something embarrassing… or shameful… about his curiosity?
You replay it in your mind.
Did I just shut that down?
What if he doesn’t ask me again?
What if next time… he goes somewhere else for the answer?
You feel that familiar wave:
What if I said the wrong thing?
What if I made it worse?
What if I’ve just closed a door I wanted open?
And here’s the part most parents don’t realise:
👉 It’s not that moment that matters most.
It’s what happens next.
The Breakthrough
Last week, we talked about what I call “door slammers.”
Those moments where shock, embarrassment, fear or panic can suddenly shut a conversation down.
But what matters just as much… is what happens afterwards.
You didn’t ruin the moment.
Even if your words came out sharper than you intended.
Even if your tone carried more than you meant it to.
Even if your child walked away and the conversation stopped.
👉 You are not too late.
Because even if the moment didn’t go how you hoped…
You are still in it.
You still have influence.
You still have connection.
You still have the opportunity to turn that moment into something meaningful.
Because the goal is not to have the perfect answer. The goal is to keep the door open.
And that door can always be reopened.
Children are not looking for perfect parents.
They are looking for safe, steady, real ones.
👉 In fact, this idea of showing up authentically as a parent is something I explored more deeply in another blog: ‘Authenticity Is Your Superpower’.
And some of the most powerful parenting moments don’t happen in the first response.
They happen when you come back.
What This Tip Does for Our Kids
When we come back to our child, even after getting it wrong, something incredibly powerful happens.
We show them that relationships are not fragile.
That moments of awkwardness, misunderstanding, or even hurt… can be repaired.
And that matters more than we often realise.
Because when a child feels heard, understood, and emotionally safe, they don’t just learn information.
They learn:
👉 “I matter.”
👉 “My thoughts are important.”
👉 “I can come back, even if things felt uncomfortable before.”
And that connection becomes one of the greatest protective factors a child can have.
It shapes whether they come to you with:
the small questions
the confusing moments
the bigger challenges that come later
Because they will.
And in those future moments, they won’t be measuring whether you had the perfect answer last time.
They will be remembering something much simpler:
👉 “Did I feel safe enough to go back?”
Notice this:
👉 The answer didn’t come first.
The relationship did.
5 Ways to Practice This Tip Daily
❤️ 1. Go Back and Reopen the Conversation
“Hey, I’ve been thinking about what you asked earlier…”
“I think I got a bit flustered before.”
“You’re not in trouble, I’d really like to understand.”
🪞 2. Name the Moment (and Reset the Safety)
“That was a bit awkward before, wasn’t it?”
“I think I reacted a bit strongly. I’m sorry for that.”
This removes shame and invites them back in.
🗣️ 3. Give the Answer You Didn’t Give Before
“You asked me something important earlier – let me explain it properly.”
Remember, curiosity doesn’t disappear. It just changes direction.
👀 4. Stay With Your Child (Not Just the Topic)
“What made you ask that?”
“How did that make you feel?”
Meet your child – not just the question.
🛡️ 5. Turn One Moment into an Ongoing Conversation
“You can always come back and ask me more.”
“We don’t have to figure everything out right now.”
This is how trust is built over time.
Aligning This with Your Family Values
Keeping the door open does not mean letting go of your values.
It means creating the kind of relationship where those values can actually be heard, understood and lived.
You can still guide.
You can still set boundaries.
You can still say – “In our family, we believe…”
But those conversations land very differently when your child feels safe enough to ask a question, and safe enough to listen. I have explored this before in my blogs ‘Questions are Welcome’ and ‘Look for the Question beneath the Question’.
What Matters Most
It’s easy to believe that everything depends on getting the moment right.
But it doesn’t.
Because some of the most powerful parenting happens after the moment.
When you go back.
When you soften.
When you try again.
That’s where trust is built.
That’s where connection deepens.
That’s where your child learns:
👉 “Even if it’s awkward… I can come back to you.”
And sometimes, when you do go back…
you’ll find the conversation is far simpler than you imagined.
You might sit beside them later and say:
👉 “Hey… you asked me something earlier. OnlyFans is a website where some adults share photos or videos of themselves for money. It’s something made for adults, not kids.”
And your child might shrug and say:
👉 “Oh… okay.”
👉 “Yeah… I just wanted to check.”
Because often, children aren’t looking for long explanations.
They’re looking for:
👉 clarity
👉 reassurance
👉 and to know whether you’re a safe place to ask
And in that moment, something quietly settles.
Not because you had the perfect words.
But because you came back.
Next week… I’m going to take this one step further.
Because once the door is open, how do you understand what your child is really asking?
Not just the words…
but what sits underneath the question that is being asked.
I’m going to show you a simple but powerful way to do this — in four clear steps — so you can respond with confidence, clarity and connection.
My Body My Rules
My Body My Rules (Ages 3–8, published in 2023) is a rhyming picture book that teaches kids about personal boundaries. It shows everyday situations and models how to say “no” when uncomfortable. With cheerful illustrations, it builds confidence and respect. The book also helps adults start age-appropriate talks about consent.
Talking Sex -A Conversation Guide for Parents
Talking Sex -A Conversation Guide for Parents by Vanessa Hamilton is a guide for parents to help them become the askable and tellable adult that children need to be. When talking about sex, human sexuality, consent and respect adults and caregivers are essential. It was published in 2023.
"The Essential Sex Education Book for Parents-Guided Conversations to have with your Tweens and Teens”
is a parent guide to help support you and encourages your child to open up, be honest, and not feel ashamed discussing over 70 sexual health topics. Each subject features an easy-to-understand explanation, as well as questions and prompts designed to help you start meaningful dialogues together. It was published in 2022.
In Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen
In Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen by Michelle Icard (2020) helps parents confidently discuss tricky topics like friendships, consent, and social media. Using the simple BRIEF model, it guides age-appropriate conversations with warmth and clarity. The book offers insights into tween thinking, promoting empathy and timing. Its focus is on building trust and confidence between parents and children.
