Part of The Amazing Me Top Tips Series
The Amazing Me 5-Step Response Method
Over the past few weeks we’ve explored why these conversations matter, how to keep the door open, and why parenting is less about getting one conversation right than building a relationship our children can keep returning to.
Today, I’d like to show you how to put those ideas into practice.
After more than 30 years of being a mum, and over 35 years of listening to and learning from thousands of children every year, I’ve discovered something important.
What parents need is something to hold onto when emotions are high, or when the conversation wanders into territory that feels unfamiliar, uncomfortable or completely new.
That’s why I have developed the Amazing Me 5-Step Response Method.
Let me show you what this can look like in real life.
A mum reached out to me recently after her 9-year-old twin daughters attended one of our Positive Periods puberty seminars at school.
She told me how surprised she was, in the best possible way, that both girls came home excited. Not embarrassed. Not awkward. Just full of curiosity.
They wanted to talk about everything.
Blood.
Pads.
Period undies.
Tampons.
What periods are actually like.
What to use.
What not to use.
She said she felt proud. Relieved. Even a little amazed at how open and positive they were.
Then one of her daughters asked a simple question.
“Mum… when did you get your first period?”
Without warning, she burst into tears.
It caught her completely off guard.
She couldn’t explain it.
Maybe it was the thought of her girls growing up.
Maybe it was something from her own experience.
Maybe it was simply the weight of the moment.
She wasn’t sure.
One of her daughters started crying too.
Then they all ended up laughing.
She apologised.
The moment passed.
But something had shifted.
Later, she wrote to me and said:
“I don’t even know why I’m writing this… but I feel blocked now.
I’m scared to answer their questions.
Thinking about them going through puberty frightens me.
How do I get back on track?”
Many parents feel unsure about how to respond when ordinary parenting moments suddenly become emotionally bigger than they expected, especially when their children’s questions touch something deeper within themselves.
In case your curious about answering children’s questions about periods, here is a blog I have previously written – ‘How to explain what a period is to your child’.
What the Tip Is & Why It Matters
Moments like this are more common than we realise.
Not because we don’t care.
Not because we don’t want to do our best.
But because sometimes our children’s questions catch us in places we didn’t expect.
A simple question can stir something deeper.
A memory.
A feeling.
A moment from our own story that we haven’t thought about in years.
And when you layer that on top of everyday family life, the mental load and everything else modern parenting asks of us, it’s no wonder these moments can feel bigger than we expected.
We’re constantly juggling our children’s needs alongside our own responsibilities, quietly wondering whether we’re doing enough and hoping we’re getting it right.
So when an unexpected question arrives, it can catch us completely off guard.
And suddenly, instead of feeling calm and confident, we feel unsure.
Anxious.
Overwhelmed.
Even a little lost.
This is where many parents begin to doubt themselves.
What just happened?
Why did I react like that?
What do I say next?
But here’s the truth I want every parent to hold onto.
You don’t need to have all the answers.
You just need something steady to come back to.
Because when emotions rise, for our children or for us, it’s not perfection that helps.
It’s having a simple way to pause, understand and respond with care.
What This Tip Does for Our Kids
This is where the Amazing Me 5-Step Response Method can help.
It’s a simple, steady way to respond to your child’s questions with calm, clarity and connection, even when you feel caught off guard.
Sometimes it’s the question itself that surprises us.
Sometimes, like in the story we just explored, it’s our own reaction.
Either way, the moment can feel bigger than we expected.
This approach supports both.
It helps you respond to your child while gently steadying yourself at the same time.
👉 Because your child is not the only one navigating this moment.
You are too.
Perhaps that’s why this framework has resonated with so many parents over the years.
These five steps may sound simple, but they come from decades of working alongside children and families, and from my own journey as a parent.
Not only will they help you navigate conversations about sex, puberty and relationships, they’ll also strengthen connection whenever life brings difficult conversations your way.
Over more than 35 years of working in this space, alongside 32 years of parenting my own three children, I’ve seen just how powerful these moments can be.
What I’ve done is gently distilled all that experience into five simple steps you can come back to again and again.
Because in these moments, you don’t need perfect words.
You simply need something steady to come back to.
5 Ways to Practice the Tip Daily
Here’s how this can look in everyday moments.
- 🪞 Notice Before You Respond
Buy yourself some thinking time.
When our children ask unexpected questions, it’s easy to feel pressure to respond immediately.
But good conversations don’t usually come from rushed answers.
They come from thoughtful ones.
It’s okay to slow things down.
It’s okay to think.
Use those few seconds to notice what’s happening, both for your child and for yourself.
What might your child really be asking?
What emotions are showing up for them?
And what might this question be stirring up for you?
It’s okay to begin with:
👉 “That’s a great question.”
Sometimes that simple response creates exactly the space both of you need.
- 👀 Be Curious — Understand Before You Answer
Before jumping in with an explanation, gently explore what your child already knows or what prompted the question.
You might ask:
👉 “What made you think about that?”
👉 “Where did you hear that?”
👉 “What do you think that means?”
These questions help you understand where your child is starting from, so you can respond to the conversation they actually need, rather than the one you imagine they’re asking.
- ❤️ Affirm — Keep the Door Open
Your child has taken a brave step in asking you something.
Let them know they’ve done the right thing.
You might say:
👉 “I’m really glad you asked me that.”
👉 “Thanks for talking to me about this.”
👉 “That’s a really important question.”
Simple words like these tell your child:
“You can always come to me.”
They reinforce that curiosity is welcome and that difficult conversations don’t need to be scary.
- 🗣️ Answer Simply — Less Is Often More
You don’t need to explain everything all at once.
Offer a clear, age-appropriate response that answers the question your child has asked.
Then pause.
Children rarely need every detail in one conversation.
In fact, they’ll usually let you know when they’re ready for more.
You might say:
👉 “That’s a great question. Let me explain it in a simple way…”
Or, if you’d like a little more time:
👉 “That’s a really thoughtful question. Let me have a think about the best way to explain it and I’ll come back to you.”
Remember…
You’re not closing the conversation.
You’re opening it.
- 🛡️ Circle Back — For Your Child and for You
Come back to the conversation later.
Check in with your child.
Reassure them.
Keep the door open.
You might say:
👉 “I’ve been thinking about what you asked earlier. How are you feeling about it now?”
And just as importantly, take a moment to reflect for yourself.
How did that conversation feel?
What came up for you?
Did your child’s question touch on anything from your own story?
A memory.
A belief.
An experience.
Or perhaps something you’re still figuring out yourself.
Is there anything you might like to do differently next time?
Without judgement.
Without pressure.
Because just like your child is learning and growing…
👉 you are too.
Aligning With Your Values
At its heart, this approach is not just about answering questions.
It’s about how we show up for our children in moments that matter.
When we pause instead of reacting, stay curious instead of assuming, and respond with calm rather than fear, we are modelling something much bigger.
We are showing our children that their thoughts, questions and feelings are welcome.
We are teaching them that conversations about bodies, relationships and growing up can be handled with respect, honesty and care.
And we are reinforcing values that many families hold close:
Openness.
Trust.
Kindness.
Connection.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
You just have to be present.
What Matters Most
These conversations don’t happen in a straight line.
They come back around.
The same questions.
The same moments.
The same opportunities.
Just at different ages and stages.
👉 This is where the Spiral becomes practical. (Here’s a link to my blog last week in case you missed it – ‘The Spiral: Returning With Deeper Understanding and Connection’
You’ll come back to the same five steps again and again:
Notice.
Be curious.
Affirm.
Answer simply.
Circle back.
Each time your child will be growing, understanding more and seeing the world a little differently.
And so will you.
Because the goal is not simply to answer questions.
It’s to feel steadier within them.
To feel confident enough to gently initiate them.
To notice the small, everyday opportunities and lean into them.
To encourage your child’s curiosity rather than fear it.
And when you begin to parent this way, something shifts.
There will be laughter.
There will be honesty.
There will be those quiet moments where your child lets you into their world.
And yes…
There will also be misunderstandings.
Big emotions.
The occasional clash as your child grows and begins finding their independence.
(And if you have twins… well… double good luck to you!)
That’s all part of it.
Because underneath it all, you are building something far more important than one successful conversation.
You are building a relationship where your child feels safe, supported and able to come to you, even when life feels confusing, awkward or uncomfortable.
And that is what will carry you both through the puberty years and well beyond.
If you’re thinking about the mum in the story at the beginning of this blog, the one who felt caught off guard, emotional and unsure what to do next, this is exactly where the Amazing Me 5-Step Response Method can help.
Not just in that one moment.
But in all the moments that follow.
Because this isn’t about one conversation.
It’s about becoming the kind of parent your child knows they can keep coming back to.
One conversation at a time.
And the beautiful thing is this.
The more you practise these small moments, the more natural they begin to feel.
Not perfect.
👉 Just steadier.
Every meaningful conversation starts with one small moment of courage.
You don’t have to know exactly where every conversation will lead.
You simply have to be willing to begin.
For now, you’ve got something steady to come back to.
And that’s a wonderful place to begin.
‘Talking Sex’ - A Conversation Guide for Parents by Vanessa Hamilton
Talking Sex -A Conversation Guide for Parents by Vanessa Hamilton is a guide for parents to help them become the askable and tellable adult that children need to be. When talking about sex, human sexuality, consent and respect adults and caregivers are essential. It was published in 2023.
The parents’ guide to EXPLAINING SEX
Cath Hakanson wrote "The Parents' Guide to EXPLAINING SEX". This book will explain to you what information is crucial to share with your child regarding sex and how to do so. Regardless of whether your child is a willing listener, this book facilitates difficult conversations by breaking sexual intercourse down into 5 smaller, separate chunks.
Sex Talks with Tweens
Sex talks with tweens: What to Say & How to Say It! Was written by Amy Lang and published in 2022. Basically, it’s a script for any question that the child in your care might ask you, and exactly what to say about sexual health. These scripts are for kids aged nine to twelve years.
How To Talk With Your Kids About Porn: A Sex In Space Book by Dr. Jane Cherrington
‘How To Talk with Your Kids About Porn’ by Dr. Jane Cherrington is a research-based, reliable, and relatable guide for parents. It provides a non-judgemental, shame-free approach to supporting parents and caregivers in essential ongoing conversations about pornography. Published in 2023.
