Part of The Amazing Me Top Tips Series
When Curiosity Catches You Off Guard
One moment you’re driving home from school.
The next…
“Dad, what’s puberty?”
Or perhaps you’re folding the washing when your daughter casually asks,
“Mum… how do babies actually get in there?”
Maybe it’s bedtime.
Maybe it’s the supermarket.
Maybe it’s halfway through dinner when your ten-year-old suddenly announces,
“Someone at school said everyone watches p… Is that true?”
And just like that, your carefully planned evening has taken a very unexpected turn.
Most parents don’t panic because they don’t care.
They panic because they do.
We desperately want to get it right.
We worry about saying too much.
Or too little.
We wonder whether our child is too young, or we will destroy their innocence if they know.
Or whether we’ve already left the conversation too late.
If you’ve ever felt that way, you’re certainly not alone.
After more than thirty-five years of talking with children, I’ve discovered something that often surprises parents.
Children rarely spend days planning these questions.
Adults do.
Children simply notice something, hear something, make a connection… and ask.
Often without any warning at all, and often not always in private situations.
That’s why, in the previous blog, we explored ‘The Amazing Me 5-Step Response Method’. Not because every conversation follows a script, but because having a simple framework helps us stay calm when a question catches us off guard.
The goal isn’t to have the perfect answer.
The goal is to help our child feel safe enough to keep asking.
👉 Every question a child asks is an act of trust.
My Amazing Me Question Box
For more than thirty-five years, children have quietly slipped anonymous questions into the Amazing Me Question Box.
It’s nothing particularly fancy, just a simple classroom question box covered with yellow sticky notes.
Each year I receive thousands of real questions.
Some make me laugh.
Some make adults blush.
Some reveal wonderfully creative misunderstandings.
And all remind me how hard children are working to understand bodies, relationships, feelings and growing up.
Every question came from a real child.
Every question mattered to the child who asked it.
Every question was an act of trust – even though many kids think they already know the answers, and some certainly know too much (and don’t actually understand).
Here are just a few.
Around age 4
“How did the baby get in your tummy?”
Around age 5
“Where do babies come out?”
Around age 6
“Why is that boy standing up to do a wee?”
Around age 7
“What’s puberty?”
Around age 8
“Can two mums have a baby?”
Around age 9
“Why do people kiss?”
Around age 10
“What’s a wet dream”
Around age 10–11
“What does having sex actually mean?”
Around age 11
“Do I have to go through puberty?”
Around age 12
“How do you know when you’re ready to have sex?”
Take another look at those questions.
They’re not all asking the same thing.
Some are looking for information.
Some are trying to understand relationships.
Some are exploring values.
Some are quietly wondering whether what they’re experiencing is normal.
When we understand the kind of question our child is asking, we begin to understand what they need from us.
Today, let’s see what that looks like in real life.
That’s exactly why, in Blog #19, I introduced – ‘What Your Child is really Asking: The Four Types of Questions Children Ask’.
Rather than trying to memorise dozens of different answers, we’re going to use the same simple 5-Step Response Method every time.
Four Different Questions. One Steady Response.
Imagine four children asking four very different questions.
At first glance, they seem completely unrelated.
But underneath, the same parenting principles apply.
Let’s watch the 5-Step Response Method in action.
- The Information Question
“Dad… what’s puberty?”
Your first reaction might be,
“Oh… we’re here already!”
Take a breath.
Notice
Your child isn’t asking for everything there is to know about growing up.
They’re asking one question.
Be Curious
You might respond,
“That’s a great question. What made you wonder about puberty?”
Perhaps they say,
“Our teacher mentioned it today.”
Now you know where the question came from.
Affirm
“I’m really glad you asked me.”
Those simple words tell your child that curiosity is always welcome.
Answer Simply
“Puberty is the time when children’s bodies gradually begin changing into adult bodies. Everyone goes through it, but not all at the same time.”
Then stop.
You don’t need to explain every body change your child will experience over the next five years.
Answer today’s question.
Not every future question.
Circle Back
“If you ever want to know more, you can always ask me.”
Sometimes that’s all your child needs.
Sometimes another question follows immediately.
Either way, you’ve shown them something far more important than the definition of puberty.
You’ve shown them they can come to you.
- The Meaning & Values Question
“Why do people kiss?”
At first, this sounds like a question about kissing.
But children are often trying to understand something much bigger.
Relationships.
Affection.
How people show love and care.
The same five steps still apply.
Notice
Pause before jumping to an explanation.
Be Curious
“That’s an interesting question. What made you think about that?”
Perhaps they shrug and say,
“Two people kissed on television.”
Now you understand the context.
Affirm
“That’s a really good question.”
Answer Simply
“People kiss for lots of different reasons. Parents kiss children. Families kiss each other goodbye. Adults in loving relationships may kiss to show affection and closeness.”
Then, if it feels appropriate, gently introduce your family’s own values.
Children don’t simply need facts.
They also benefit from understanding the values that guide their family.
Facts and values can sit beautifully beside each other.
Circle Back
“If you ever wonder why people do something, I’m always happy to talk about it with you.”
- The Connection Question
“Mum… if babies come from people having sex… does that mean you and Dad actually do that?”
Pause.
You weren’t expecting that one.
Perhaps your child quickly follows it with,
“Ewww! That’s disgusting!”
If you’re secretly relieved they think the idea of their parents having sex is disgusting, you’re in good company! Most children go through a stage where it feels deeply uncomfortable to imagine Mum and Dad as anything other than… just… Mum and Dad.
This isn’t really a biology question anymore.
Your child is connecting something they’ve learned to the world they already know.
Notice
Your first reaction may be laughter, embarrassment or a desperate urge to change the subject.
Take a breath.
Your child isn’t trying to embarrass you.
They’re simply joining the dots.
Be Curious
“What made you think about that?”
Perhaps they reply,
“Well… you had me!”
Exactly.
Affirm
“That’s a really thoughtful question. I’m glad you asked.”
Answer Simply
“Yes, sex is one way that a baby can be made. It’s not for kids and also something that belongs in a private, loving relationship when you’re older.”
Then stop.
Your child doesn’t need your life story.
They simply need an honest answer that respects both their curiosity and your family’s privacy.
Circle Back
“If you ever wonder about anything else, you can always ask me.”
Children don’t need parents who tell them everything.
They need parents who are willing to talk.
- The Identity, Feelings & Safety Question
“Mum… how much blood is in a period?”
At first, it sounds like a straightforward information question.
But before answering, remember the five steps.
Notice
Your daughter has brought you a question about her changing body.
Rather than rushing to answer, recognise it for what it is.
An opportunity to connect.
You might smile warmly and say,
“That’s a really good question. I’m glad you asked.”
Be Curious
Before explaining, gently explore what prompted the question.
“What made you wonder about that?”
She hesitates for a moment before admitting,
“I’m worried I’ll get my first period while we’re on school camp.”
Now you’ve discovered what she was really asking.
This wasn’t simply a conversation about periods.
It was a conversation about feeling prepared.
About feeling safe.
About not wanting to be embarrassed in front of her friends.
Sometimes the question sitting on the surface is very different from the worry sitting underneath it.
Affirm
“I’m really glad you told me. Lots of girls worry about that before their first period, especially if they’ve got camp or a sleepover coming up. It’s a really common worry.”
Immediately, you’ve normalised both her feelings and her experience.
Answer Simply
“The good news is that there’s usually much less blood than most people imagine. If your period did start while you were away, there would be teachers and other adults who would know exactly how to help.”
Then make it practical.
“How about we put together a little period kit before camp? We could pack a couple of pads, some spare underwear and a zip-lock bag. Lots of girls do that, even before they’ve started their periods.”
Suddenly, the conversation has shifted from worry to preparation.
Circle Back
“Whenever your body changes or you’re worried about something, you never have to figure it out on your own. We can always talk about it together.”
Sometimes children don’t remember every fact we share.
But they almost always remember how we made them feel.
The question may change. The way we respond can remain wonderfully steady.
If you would like to explore this further, here’s a blog I have previously written on how would you answer if your child asks – “Mum or Dad, why do people have sex?” and here’s another blog that answers the question – “Mum or Dad, what is masturbation?”.
One Steady Approach for Every Question
By now, you may have noticed something.
Although each child asked a very different question, the parent’s response followed the same gentle rhythm.
👉 Notice
Pause before you answer.
What is your child really asking?
👉 Be Curious
Find out what sparked the question.
“What made you wonder about that?”
“What have you heard already?”
Understanding where the question came from often tells you where the conversation needs to begin.
👉 Affirm
Let your child know you’re glad they came to you.
“I’m really glad you asked.”
Those five simple words help create a family where curiosity feels safe.
👉 Answer Simply
Give the next truthful piece of information your child is ready to understand.
Answer today’s question.
Not every future question.
👉 Circle Back
Leave the door open.
“If you ever think of another question, you can always come back and ask me.”
Every time you do, you’re quietly strengthening your relationship.
👉 The question may change. The way we respond can remain wonderfully steady.
Your Values Still Matter
Some parents worry that welcoming questions means they must put their own beliefs and values aside.
It doesn’t.
Children deserve accurate, age-appropriate information.
They also deserve to understand the values that guide their family.
You might explain how bodies work while also sharing what your family believes about respect, kindness, healthy relationships, consent, love or faith.
These conversations are never about choosing between facts and values.
👉 Facts and values can sit beautifully beside each other.
Sometimes the world our children observe and experience won’t always reflect the beliefs or values that guide our own family. That’s okay. We don’t have to choose between acknowledging reality and sharing what we believe. In fact, doing both helps our children make sense of the world around them while remaining grounded in the values that matter most to your family.
In a world that encourages children to think critically, simply sheltering them from ideas or experiences doesn’t always prepare them for them. When we create space to talk openly about what they see and hear, we give them the opportunity to understand those experiences through the lens of our family’s values. Rather than weakening our influence, these conversations often strengthen it.
When we answer with honesty, warmth and respect, we give our children both knowledge and a strong foundation for making thoughtful decisions as they grow.
What Matters Most
One of the greatest myths about talking with children is that we have to wait for the perfect moment.
The truth is…
the perfect moment often arrives disguised as an ordinary one.
A question about periods before school camp.
A television advertisement.
A pregnancy announcement.
A song on the radio.
A trip to the supermarket.
A storyline in a favourite TV show.
Life quietly offers these opportunities every day.
👉 Life is already creating the opportunities. Our job is simply to notice them.
Some conversations will last thirty seconds.
Others might continue over months or even years.
Some will make you both laugh.
Some may feel a little awkward.
That’s okay.
Awkward conversations are often the ones our children remember most, not because they were perfect, but because they discovered something far more important.
They discovered they could come to us.
Think about the little girl who asked,
“Mum… how much blood is in a period?”
She began the conversation looking for information.
But she left with something much more valuable.
She left knowing she didn’t have to face her worries alone.
She left knowing that asking questions is safe.
She left knowing that together, you could make a plan.
Most importantly, she learnt that when she feels emotionally vulnerable, she doesn’t have to hide it.
She can bring it to someone who loves her.
Children rarely remember every fact we shared with them.
But they do remember how it felt to bring us their worries.
Every time we respond with warmth, curiosity and calm, we’re teaching them that emotional vulnerability is safe in our relationship.
And every time they experience that safety, trust grows a little deeper.
That trust strengthens your connection and makes it more likely that the next time life feels confusing, embarrassing or overwhelming, they’ll come to you again.
As our children grow from pre-teens into teenagers, and eventually into adults, the questions naturally become more complex.
They move from:
“How much blood is in a period?”
to…
“My friends are pressuring me…”
“I think I’m in love…”
“I’ve made a mistake…”
“I need your help.”
Our goal isn’t to have all the answers for every stage of our children’s lives.
Our goal is to become the person they instinctively turn to, no matter what the question is.
This is the spiral in action.
Each conversation isn’t simply another opportunity to share information.
It’s another opportunity to strengthen trust, deepen your relationship and remind your child, again and again,
“Whatever you’re facing, you don’t have to face it alone.”
Perhaps that’s the greatest gift we can give our children.
Because every time we notice one of life’s ordinary moments and gently open the door to conversation, we’re helping our children learn one of the most important lessons of all:
“I don’t have to have all the answers.”
“I just need to know there’s someone I can ask.”
And perhaps that’s what these conversations have really been about all along.
Not simply preparing our children for puberty.
Or relationships.
Or growing up.
But building a relationship so strong that, no matter how old they become or how complicated life feels, they will always know where home is.
Sex Positive Talks to Have With Kids
This book is for caregivers of children from renowned sexuality educator Melissa Carnagey. The aim is to help you answer your child's questions in an open shame- free way in order to build a stronger relationship so that they return to you for ongoing guidance and support.
How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography
Our kids are being exposed to pornography at an alarmingly early age. No matter how careful we are and how much parental control we have on their devices, there will always be a risk. This is why it’s important to educate them about pornography from an early age.
It's Not The Stork
This book doesn’t just tell kids that it’s definitely not a stork bringing babies into the world, it also educates them on what really happens when a baby is made, plus gives a number of other relevant facts.
Ruby Luna's Curious Journey
‘Ruby Luna’s Curious Journey’ is a body book written for kids aged 5 to 10. The water colour paintings are beautiful and painted by the author herself. The book features Ruby Luna, a girl who’s curious about her own body especially the parts that she can’t see.
