Throughout my career I have met some amazing people and Dr. Fiona Ghiglione the founder of ‘Mothering Girls’ is one of them. She is a specialist researcher, from Spain. Fiona is a practitioner and educator in friendships, and a mother of two girls. She designs programs for mothers of pre-teen girls to help them thrive in adolescence.
At ‘Amazing Me’ I am always talking about the importance of having open and positive conversations with our children when it comes to any sexual health topic. Conversations strengthen relationships and make you the askable parent that your child needs. But it’s not just about sexual health; it’s about every topic, because strong relationships build connections and lay the foundation for positive healthy relationships as your child grows.
Fiona wrote this blog about How To Help Your Preteen Understand and Navigate Friendships.
Friendship is the lab our kids need — 5 skills to help them grow in the preteens
A few years ago, my daughter went through a rough patch with her friends. Every afternoon she’d get in the car and share the update on how her friend “Emma” treated her that day. One day she was ‘so kind and wonderful’ and the next day she was “the worst”. Through it all I’d listen, hold her when she cried, and help her work through it.
Honestly, it felt like a rollercoaster and I often wondered on the drive to school pick-up, How will she come home today?
Most parents know this terrain. Even if it’s milder – especially for boys – preteens can experience friendship as a series of non-stop peaks and troughs. As it turns out, research says this is very common and actually normal in these years.
Only about 1% of 7th-grade friendships last to 12th grade. Roughly 64% of teens have just 1–4 close friends, and 95% of girls say they have someone to lean on, though that person can change weekly. The years of puberty brings new hormones, brain changes (stress, social sensitivity and risk-taking), shifting interests, and more intense emotions, so friendships naturally churn.
Yet there is also a new trend happening in younger generations that we didn’t see in ours. Today more preteens and teens are choosing to “opt out” of the messy, real-life work of friendship. As preteens and teens are handed devices, scrolling social feeds, texting in group chats, or hanging out mostly online can feel easier and safer than face-to-face repair after a disagreement.
But those bumps and bruises of in-person friendship are not distractions from growth – they are the growth. Every misunderstanding, hurt feeling, and make-up conversation is a laboratory where kids practice the skills that sustain healthy adult relationships.
Check out the Blog That Fiona Wrote About How Our Relationships Can Protect Our Kids On Tech
Find Out Here are five essential friendship skills parents can help their kids build - skills they can’t learn by swiping.
1. Conflict Navigation
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Friendship is full of micro-conflicts: who is sitting next to who in class, who spills the tea (aka gossips), who broke a promise. These moments teach kids how to disagree, negotiate, apologise, and forgive.
How to help: Model calm communication and conflict resolution at home. Encourage “I” statements (“I felt upset when…”) and role-play how to repair after a fight.
2. Perspective Taking
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Understanding another person’s feelings - especially when they’re different from your own - is key to empathy and is fundamental in today's world. Online interactions rarely give the same depth of cues (tone of voice, body language) that in-person play provides. These preteen years are critical - before technology takes over - to hone this skill.
How to help: After a friendship story, ask gentle questions: “How do you think she felt when that happened?” “What might make her him it that way?”
3. Emotional Regulation
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Puberty primes the brain for social emotions: praise feels stronger, rejection cuts deeper. Real friendships force kids to notice those surges and learn to steady themselves.
How to help: Teach simple grounding strategies - slow breathing, a short walk, or naming the feeling out loud - before they respond. Introducing your kids to mindfulness is wonderful at this age as they are more open to doing it alone or even sitting alongside us.
4. Boundary Setting
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Healthy relationships require saying no, setting limits, and respecting others’ limits. Group chats and constant connectivity can blur those lines. Boundary setting is a muscle and as we practice it comes more naturally.
How to help: Talk about how to pause a conversation, give feedback or insist, “I need a break,” without feeling guilt or shame.
5. Repair and Resilience
Perhaps the most important skill is coming back after things go wrong. Repair builds trust and shows that relationships can survive missteps.
Final Thoughts
Your Role: Calm Guide, Not Fixer
When your child comes home in tears, the urge to call another parent or dictate a solution is strong. Sometimes adult intervention is necessary – ongoing bullying, repeated humiliation, or total social isolation are red flags. Most of the time, though, your steady presence and gentle coaching matter more than a rescue and what we want our kids to know is that while they always have parents and trusted adults by their side, their best ally is themselves. We want them to trust their intuitions, skills and heart.
Friendship in the digital age may look different, but the need for real, in-person practice hasn’t changed. By helping our kids stay in the “experience lab” of offline friendship, we give them more than companionship – we give them the lifelong tools of empathy, conflict resolution, and resilience. These are the skills that turn playground rollercoasters into the strong, sustaining relationships of adulthood…………………………..
Thanks so much Fiona this is gold!
More resources by Fiona:
Stay tuned as Fiona has an online course for families being released in
