Part of The Amazing Me Top Tips Series
How to Talk to Your Child About Sex: An Age-by-Age Guide
The Stork vs Google
Once upon a time, apparently, a stork delivered the baby.
Or perhaps you were found under a cabbage.
Bought at the shops.
Found on a soccer pitch.
Every family seemed to have their own version.
Most of these stories were told with love. They were a way of avoiding a question many parents weren’t quite sure how to answer themselves.
Today’s children, however, are growing up in a very different world.
If they don’t find answers from us, they’ll almost certainly find them somewhere else. Friends, older siblings, social media, YouTube, online searches and artificial intelligence can provide information within seconds. Some of it is helpful. Much of it isn’t. Some of it is confusing, frightening or completely inaccurate.
That reality can feel overwhelming for parents.
Many quietly wonder,
“If I start talking to my child about sex, will it encourage them to become interested in it too early?”
Thankfully, it’s one fear we can gently put to rest.
Decades of international research consistently show that providing children with honest, age-appropriate information about bodies, relationships and growing up does not encourage earlier sexual activity. Instead, children who receive accurate information, together with the guidance and values of the adults who love them, are more likely to make healthy, thoughtful decisions as they mature.
That’s because knowledge doesn’t create readiness.
Knowledge creates understanding.
Children don’t suddenly become ready for something simply because they understand it. They become ready through maturity, life experience, relationships and the values that help guide their choices.
I hope that’s reassuring, because it means this isn’t about sitting your child down for one enormous conversation where you explain everything all at once.
In fact, one of the biggest surprises for many parents is discovering that there really isn’t ‘one talk’ at all.
There are hundreds of little conversations.
Some last thirty seconds.
Some happen in the car.
Some happen at bedtime.
Some begin with an unexpected question while you’re unpacking the groceries.
Each one quietly tells your child,
“You can always come to me.”
Once we stop thinking about ‘the talk’, these conversations become much less intimidating.
We no longer have to know every answer.
We don’t have to find the perfect words.
And we certainly don’t have to explain everything today.
Instead, we simply answer the question our child is asking today, trusting there will be another conversation tomorrow, next month or next year.
That’s how children naturally learn.
They ask a question.
They receive an answer.
They think about it for a while.
Then they return when they’re ready for the next piece of the puzzle.
Children revisit topics as they get older. Each time they come back, they’re ready for another layer of understanding because they’ve grown and developed. Once we understand that, our job becomes much simpler.
Instead of asking,
“How much should I tell my child?”
we begin asking,
“What is my child ready to understand today?”
That single question changes everything.
It keeps us focused on the child standing in front of us rather than worrying about the teenager they’ll become one day.
And it reminds us that we’re not delivering one big lecture.
We’re building understanding, one conversation at a time.
To help parents do exactly that, I developed the 5-Step Method which you can read about in an earlier blog that I wrote about in this series ‘How Do I Talk to My Child About Sex – Part One’.
It’s not about finding perfect words or becoming an expert overnight. It’s simply a gentle framework that helps you respond calmly, honestly and in a way that’s right for your child’s age and stage of development.
And once you understand it, you’ll probably discover what thousands of parents have discovered before you.
Talking to your child about sex is much easier than you ever imagined.
When Curiosity Comes Calling
By now, you may be thinking,
“That all sounds reassuring…but what if my child actually asks me one of those questions?”
The truth is, they probably will.
Children are naturally curious. They notice pregnancy, babies, body changes, different kinds of families and words they’ve overheard in the playground. Curiosity is a normal part of healthy development, and as children grow, so do their questions.
Children’s curiosity develops in stages, just like every other area of their learning.
A preschooler may simply wonder where babies come from. A primary school child begins connecting ideas and asking how a baby starts to grow. As they approach puberty, their questions naturally become more detailed as they make sense of the changes happening in their own bodies and the world around them.
Each question is simply the next step in their understanding.
While every child develops at their own pace, many children begin asking questions like these…
Around 3 to 5 years
- Where did I come from?
- Where do babies come from?
- Why do boys and girls have different bodies?
Around 5 to 7 years
- How did the baby get into her tummy?
- What does that word mean?
- Why does my friend have two mums?
Around 7 to 9 years
- What is sex?
- Can two men have a baby?
- What is a period?
Around 9 to 12 years
- What is puberty?
- Why is my body changing?
- How old do people have to be before they can have sex?
Looking at that whole list can feel a little overwhelming.
It’s easy to think,
“I’ll need twelve different answers.”
Fortunately, you don’t.
Although every question is different, the way we respond can remain remarkably consistent.
What often surprises parents is that children don’t ask one enormous question. They ask lots of small questions over many years, with each answer preparing them for the next.
The 5-Step Method simply gives us a gentle way of approaching each conversation, whatever the question may be. Let’s see what that looks like in practice.
The 5-Step Method in Action
On the way home they ask,
“Mummy, where do babies come from?”
For many parents, that’s the moment the heart starts racing.
“Is this it? Is this The Talk?”
Not at all.
The first step is simply to stay calm.
Take a breath. Smile. Remind yourself that your child’s question isn’t embarrassing. It’s a sign that they’re curious and that they trust you enough to ask.
Next, become curious yourself.
“That’s a great question. What made you think about that?”
Perhaps they reply,
“Because Aunty Sarah had a big tummy and now she has a baby.”
Now you know what they’re really asking.
They’re not asking about sexual intercourse.
They’re wondering where babies grow before they’re born.
So your answer can be beautifully simple.
“Babies grow inside a special place in a woman’s body called the uterus. When they’ve grown enough, they’re born.”
Then pause.
“Did that answer your question?”
There’s a good chance your child will simply smile, say “Okay,” and head off to play.
Conversation over.
For now.
Months, or perhaps even years later, they’ll come back with the next question.
And that’s exactly how learning is meant to happen.
Example 2: “How did the baby get into her tummy?”
Fast forward a couple of years.
Your six-year-old has been thinking.
They already know babies grow in a uterus.
Now they’re ready for the next piece of the puzzle.
“But…how did the baby get in there?”
Notice what’s happened.
Your child hasn’t suddenly jumped from knowing nothing to wanting to know everything.
They’ve simply built on what they already understand.
Once again, begin with curiosity.
“What do you think?”
or
“What have you heard?”
Their answer gives you a starting point.
Now you can add one more layer.
“A tiny sperm from a man joins with a tiny egg from a woman. When they join together, they can begin growing into a baby inside the uterus.”
For many six-year-olds, that’s all they need.
They weren’t asking about how the sperm and egg met.
They were asking how a baby begins.
Answer the question they’ve asked, not the next five questions you imagine they might ask.
As your child grows, they’ll naturally return for another piece of the story.
And every time they do, they’re learning something even more important than how babies are made.
They’re learning that they can come to you with their questions.
Example 3: “What is sex?”
Now imagine your eight or nine-year-old comes home from school one afternoon and casually asks,
“Mum…what is sex?”
For many parents, this is the question they’ve been dreading.
Our minds immediately jump to detailed explanations and awkward conversations.
But before answering, remember the second step of the 5-Step Method.
Find out what your child is really asking.
You might respond,
“That’s an important question. Can you tell me what you’ve heard?”
or
“What made you think about that today?”
Perhaps they shrug and say,
“Some older kids were talking about it at school.”
Or maybe they say,
“I heard the word on TV.”
Immediately, the conversation feels much less intimidating.
You don’t have to explain everything there is to know about sex.
You simply need to answer today’s question.
You might say,
“Sex is a special way that adults can show love and closeness in a healthy relationship. It’s also the way a sperm from a man and an egg from a woman can come together to begin making a baby.”
Then pause.
Give your child time to think.
You might ask,
“Does that make sense?”
or
“Is there anything else you’re wondering about?”
Sometimes they’ll ask another question.
Sometimes they’ll simply nod and move on.
Both responses are perfectly normal.
The important thing isn’t how long the conversation lasts.
It’s that your child has learnt something incredibly valuable.
They’ve discovered that when they ask a question about bodies or relationships, you’ll answer honestly, calmly and without making them feel embarrassed.
That lesson may be even more important than the information itself.
Example 4: “Why does my friend have two mums?”
By the time children reach ten or eleven years of age, their world has usually become much bigger and more complex.
They’ve met children from different cultures.
Different religions.
Different family structures.
They begin noticing that not every family looks the same.
One day your child might ask,
“Why does my friend have two mums?”
Questions like this are wonderful opportunities to teach both understanding and kindness.
You might begin, as always, by exploring what your child already knows.
“That’s a thoughtful question. Tell me what you’ve noticed.”
Perhaps they reply,
“Everyone else has a mum and a dad, but Sam has two mums.”
Now you know exactly where to begin.
You could respond,
“Families are all different. Some children live with a mum and a dad. Some have one parent. Some live with grandparents. Some have two mums or two dads. What makes a family isn’t that every family looks the same. It’s that the people in it love and care for one another.”
That answer gives your child accurate information while encouraging empathy and respect.
As children grow older, these conversations also provide a natural opportunity to begin talking about family values.
You might continue by saying,
“Different families have different beliefs about relationships, marriage and how families are formed. As you grow, you’ll discover that people don’t always think the same way, and that’s okay.”
Then, gently and respectfully, you can add,
“In our family, this is what we think is important…”
Those few words are incredibly powerful.
Notice what you’re doing.
You’re not asking your child to judge another family.
You’re not suggesting that people who make different choices are wrong.
You’re helping your child understand two ideas that can exist comfortably together.
The first is that every person deserves kindness, dignity and respect.
The second is that every family has the opportunity to talk about its own values and beliefs.
Children are remarkably capable of holding both ideas at the same time when we present them with warmth and respect.
Where Facts Meet Family Values
For many parents, this is the point where another question quietly appears.
“But what if the facts don’t line up with my family’s values?”
Perhaps you grew up in a family where sex simply wasn’t talked about.
Perhaps your faith or culture holds strong beliefs about relationships, marriage or sexuality.
Perhaps you worry that by giving your child honest information, you’re somehow encouraging them to make choices that don’t align with your values.
If you’ve ever had those thoughts, you’re certainly not alone.
In fact, it’s one of the most common concerns I hear from parents.
The wonderful news is that you don’t have to choose between truth and values.
They work beautifully together.
Children need accurate information about their bodies and how the world works.
They also need the wisdom, guidance and values of the people who love them most.
Those two things are not competing with one another.
They’re working together.
Information helps children understand the world.
Values help them decide how they want to live in it.
When we separate those two ideas, parenting becomes much less confusing.
As parents, we can confidently say,
“This is how bodies work.”
That’s information.
It’s factual.
It’s not influenced by opinion, politics or personal belief.
It’s simply helping our children understand the amazing way their bodies grow and develop.
We can also say,
“Different people make different choices about relationships, families and their lives.”
That’s understanding.
It’s teaching our children that the world is made up of people with different experiences, beliefs and family structures.
Our children don’t need to agree with every choice they see around them.
But they do need to learn to treat every person with kindness, dignity and respect.
And finally, we can say,
“This is what our family believes.”
That’s where our values live.
Whether those values come from your faith, your culture, your life experiences or simply the hopes you have for your children, they deserve to be part of these conversations.
Children aren’t confused by hearing both facts and values.
In fact, they’re strengthened by it.
They learn that understanding how something works doesn’t tell them what choices they have to make.
That’s where values come in.
Think about it this way.
We teach children how money works.
That doesn’t tell them how to spend it.
We teach children how cars work.
That doesn’t tell them how fast to drive.
In the same way, teaching children how reproduction works or explaining puberty doesn’t tell them what choices they should make when they’re older.
Knowledge creates understanding.
Values shape decisions.
Both are essential.
When children grow up hearing honest information wrapped in loving guidance, they develop something incredibly valuable.
They learn to think.
They learn to ask questions.
They learn to make thoughtful decisions.
And perhaps most importantly, they know they can keep talking with you as life’s questions become more complex.
That ongoing relationship is one of the greatest protective factors we can give our children.
Because the goal was never simply to answer today’s question.
The goal was to become the person they still turn to when tomorrow’s questions are much bigger.
It’s About More Than Information
That’s why these early conversations matter so much.
They’re not just teaching children about bodies or babies.
They’re quietly building a relationship based on trust, openness and connection.
Every calm answer tells your child,
“You’re safe to ask me hard questions.”
Every honest conversation tells them,
“You don’t have to work this out on your own.”
And every time you respond with warmth instead of embarrassment, curiosity instead of panic, and honesty instead of avoidance, you’re strengthening the relationship that will carry you through the teenage years and beyond.
What Matters Most
If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this blog, it’s this:
Your child isn’t looking for a parent who has all the answers.
They’re looking for a parent who is willing to listen, answer honestly and keep the conversation going.
That doesn’t happen because we deliver one flawless talk.
It happens because we show up again and again with warmth, openness, honesty and love.
You only need to answer the question your child is asking today.
The next question may be about bodies, friendships, relationships, social media or something completely different.
Whatever it is, you’ve built something far more valuable than a collection of memorised answers.
You’ve built trust.
So don’t wait for the “perfect” age.
Don’t wait until you feel like an expert.
Start with one honest conversation.
Then another.
And another.
Over time, those small conversations become the foundation of a relationship where your child knows they are loved, respected and safe to ask anything.
And in the end, that may be the greatest gift we can give them.
The Amazing True Story of How Babies Are Made
‘The Amazing True Story of How Babies are Made’ was written by Fiona Katauskas for kids aged 5 to 10. The cartoon illustrations by are fun colourful and gorgeous.
Making a Baby
Many children become curious about where babies come from. This book doesn’t just answer that question – it counts the many ways that parents can have children in a gender inclusive way.
Let's Talk About the Birds and the Bees
Not sure where to start when talking about the birds and bees with the kids? Well, look no further than this book. 'Let’s Talk About the Birds and the Bees' It covers so many topics from relationships and puberty in an age appropriate way. This book was published in 2017.
Where Do Babies Comes From
This 2024 book is for curious kids aged 8–12. It explores where babies come from in a safe, honest, and fun way using comics, stories, and science. Covering topics like sex, IVF, consent, and body changes, it celebrates all kinds of families and encourages open, respectful conversations.
